To my dearest friend...

Dear "little" brother,

I want you to know that the world will never be good enough for you.  This world we live in doesn't deserve a genuine human being like you.  That being said, I know you will change the lives of the people you meet, and I know you will do things in life to better this place. 

You're one of those people who blesses others just by interacting with them. Your genuine honesty is something that people love about you, but remember to be careful who you are completely honest with. Some of them will trick you, play you, use you.  You can't let everyone take, take, and take without them giving. With a kind soul like yours, you will struggle to tell the difference, and that skill will come with time, and unfortunately many heartbreaking situations. 

Have I ever told you how smart you are?  I mean, who cracks the answers code on the OGT test?  Who does that?! You have a genius brain, but don't forget to work hard in class. I know you know how to do the assignments, and that you don't see the point in practicing what you already know you can do. That is quite a problem to have, I'd say. Just push yourself to your limits, and you'll find that your limits don't exist. You can do anything if you set your mind to it. As cliche as that is, it's true. That statement isn't true for most people, but you could honestly be anything you want to be, and you would succeed.

Remember when you used to not smile...ever? Well, let's just say you need to make up for those times by smiling as much as you can. I always am so encouraged when you smile. It lets me know that you are happy, and that I don't need to worry so much about how you're handling things.

Speaking of handling things... I am so sorry you have to go through all of these hardships. Life right now is getting really tough for you, and as much as it hurts me to see you going through all of this, I know you'll learn so much from it! It's so hard to see it that way now, but I promise that later in life you will look back and know why you went through all of this. Not only has your family been torn apart, you have to figure out what you want to do with your life, where you're going to college, what your major will be, how to survive the rest of high school. You don't need this extra stress. But I know you'll pull through. You've always been a tough one, a survivor. I know you can do this.

I need you to know that I am always a text, e-mail, facebook chat, or call away. Please don't ever feel alone, because I will always be available. To be honest, at night I leave my phone on with the ringer turned up in case you ever need me. I've done that every night since I left for college my freshman year. I know you understand that I had to leave, especially since now you're deciding where to go. I've never been so thankful for anything like I have been for your understanding. I'm so relieved you didn't think I was abandoning you, because I would never do that.

"Little" brother, I love you a lot. I wish I could protect you from all of the bad things this world will throw at you, all the people who will hurt you, the trials you will suffer. But that would only hurt you. You have to grow up, just like I had to, and part of growing up is learning from the hard times, from the tough stuff. Life has it's good times too, don't get me wrong. But it's much easier to enjoy those times than the bad times. You are so loved and supported, I wish I could put it all into words. You're such a great person, and I just hope you don't become a part of this world, because it will never deserve you.

I have been so blessed (and will continue to be) to have you as a brother. You have my 100% love and support, you always will. I'll always be your #1 fan, head of your cheering section, and fan club! I wish you could see how great you are, and the difference you've made in peoples' lives already, especially mine. I wish you knew just how amazing you are.

Your unbelievably proud sister.

AnnerNanner

I remember when I met Anna at our Early Registration day; we just happened to be in the same group! She and I instantly clicked and started talking, and basically spent all day getting to know each other. It was all a God thing that we met and started talking that day. I was so shy, so talking to a stranger wasn't something I typically did. If it did happen I kept the conversation as short as possible.

By the end of the day she and I had swapped numbers and I couldn't shake the thought of asking her if she wanted to be my roommate. I was so shy and I was terrified at the thought of having a roommate, especially the chances that I could have one that was bad. So, we were texting after we left and were headed home and I asked her if she'd be interested in being roommates, and she was ecstatic! She said she'd been thinking the same thing and was glad I asked.

I was so relieved! We spent a lot of time the summer before school planning out our room (the color scheme, decorations, etc.) and then right before school we went shopping together to buy everything that we had planned out. (We live like 45 minutes from one another back home.)

I remember everyone telling me not to expect Anna to be my best friend, so I didn't. For the first few weeks we did our own things, but always let the other one know what our plans were so they would know when to expect us back. But honestly, little by little we became great friends. We'd have these long conversations about anything, really. We talked a lot and we never fought, had disagreements or typical roommate problems. I can honestly say I've never been upset or frustrated with Anna. Not once.

Anna is one of those rare, pure souls. She's golden and I am so thankful that I met her that day. She means the world to me and I am so excited to room with her again next year.

So Anna, this is for you. I love you, girl. You helped me through so much this year and you didn't even know it! You are so amazing, and I don't think you hear it enough. I'm so excited to see what the future holds.

Here is to the world's greatest roommate, AnnerNanner. :)

My Last Night

This is my last night at BU as a freshman.

This room has witnessed a lot. I've changed so much, and this room has witnessed that.

At the beginning of the year, I was in this room all day, every day unless I was practicing piano and sometimes eating. I was always in my room minding my own business. Then, as first semester went on, it saw me slowly being more social as I had friends over occassionally to watch a movie or work on homework/study for classes. I started putting more things on my walls as time went on, and our room got more colorful, more welcoming. I was meeting more people, becoming more social and growing as a person.

This room has watched me go from a shy, recluse of a girl to a social, happy young lady. I've grown so much as a person and I can't even imagine how crazy it is seeing it from the outside.

I'm so thankful for everything that happened during my freshman year here; everyone I met, everything I did, the decisions I made. Being at BU has helped me start discovering little by little who I am and what I am going to do with my life. There's so much left that I have to discover, I know that, but I am completely excited for what has happened already.

Coming to BU was probably the best decision I've made so far! I can't wait to come back in the fall; it is going to be a blast!

Realness

I've found people I trust here at BU. I've found people who I can be myself around and they love and accept me for who I am. How rare is that? People are always so busy judging one another where I'm from, you can hardly hold a real conversation with anyone, talk about things beneath the surface, everything is at face value.

The people here are real, so I'm sure you can understand why it would be so hard for me to go back to my hometown. I miss a some people, and they are definitely worth going back for. I know I've been whining about going home, but I really am blessed to have a family that loves me and cares about me; blessed to have such good friends who I still keep in contact with, who I can call at any time during the day or night.

But I've gotten so used to people being transparent here, it'll be tricky to have to go back to a place that pretends so much and so often.

I've been exposed to the world outside of my town's limits, and I'm sure that I'll never live there again.

Moment of Terror.

So, my mom called me tonight around 12:30am, IN THE MORNING.
You must understand, my mom goes to bed usually by 9:30pm, at the latest. So, I see on my that I'm recieving a call from "Home" and my heart starts racing.
I hit "answer" and say, "Hello??" All I heard on the other end was: *pause* Sade?
That made my heart stop. My stomach hit the floor and all I could think of was if something happened to my great granda, grandparents, sister or brother. There were already tears brimming in my eyes.

Then she asked, "Are you okay?" I was caught off guard by that question, honestly. I didn't think she was calling me to find out if I was okay. I answered, "Yes? Why?" And she preceeded to tell me that she had recieved a call from "restricted" and there was a girl on the other end who was sobbing and trying to talk and Mom said it sounded just like me when I'm upset, so she hung up and called me. Obviously it wasn't me, but I'm glad mom called. It was nice to hear her voice and I'm glad she was so concerned about me!
Before we hung up she asked me to call my twin sister and my best friend from back home to make sure that it wasn't them either.
I called them both and they're fine.

But I miss a lot while I'm here. What if something had happened to one of my family members or good friends?

Well, let's not get caught up in "What if..."

27 Dresses

Instead of finishing my paper, I've decided to blog something real quick!

So, while working on school work my roommate and I have become accustom to having background noise which is usually a movie.  Tonight I picked 27 Dresses as my background noise while finishing my final paper for my IDC course I'm taking.

The thing is that it became more than just background noise, which is totally fine! I love the story in this movie and it's always been easy to identify with and I never understood why until now.

Jane, the main character is the oldest of two girls who had to be the woman in the house after her mom died when she was very young.  Their whole lives, Jane has taken care of and done for her sister, Tess. She's made Tess's life as easy as she possibly could and because of that Tess became an irresponsible, selfish person.
It surfaces later in the movie that Jane is somewhat bitter about having had to always look after Tess, and Tess confesses that she just wants to be like Jane.

Jane and Tess are a lot like my twin sister and I. I've always covered for my sister, in almost every situation. I did some of her chores when she didn't so she wouldn't get in trouble. I reminded her of (and sometimes let her copy) homework that we had, did her laundry, cleaned the bathroom we shared, woke her up for school so she wouldn't be late even though she was completely mean to me when I did. We haven't always gotten along so well, and it's definitely better than what it was! But, maybe I was resentful towards her because of what I chose to do. I chose to do those things, she didn't make me. I made my sister's life easy. Honestly, I did worry that she wouldn't succeed in college because she wouldn't hear her alarm to wake up for class, would forget about homework, not do her laundry (and she wears so many different articles of clothing in ONE DAY that it would blow your mind...), and not keep her areas of her dorm room clean.

The truth is: she's doing just fine without me. It was so selfish of me to think that I played such a big role in her life, in raising her. I did do a lot for her, and maybe I did have an impact, but maybe I didn't. What does it matter? What matters is that I love her, and she will always be my sister. No matter how crazy she makes me. No matter how many arguments we get in. No matter how different we are, I will always love her. I miss her, but she's doing just fine on her own. I never should have doubted her!

Could You Remember that for Me?

I know I write about my brother a lot, but there's a reason I do! I really love him and care about him. I worry about him a lot; especially in today's world.

He's such a good guy; one of thee best, if not THEE best. His kind heart, friendly smile, charming ways, and sense of humor often lure in girls...but not always the best girls. That is not his fault whatsoever! He has the biggest heart and he's always trying to help people out. He goes on rescue missions when it comes to girls...a lot. He gets his heart broken trying to help people. But I'm so thankful that he's so real. I just hope he learns soon, because it's hard on all of us!

I'm really protective of him, if you haven't caught on to that yet. So, whenever he brings a girl home to meet us, I am overly critical of them. I've gotten better about it, or I've tried, but it's not easy whatsoever. He deserves the best girl out there, and I know he will find her eventually, which I'm definitely okay with waiting for. I don't really think he needs to be serious anytime soon. (But what do I know?)

There's some pieces of advice I've wanted to share with him for a while but I didn't really know how to until recently. Kabelo and I went to see Ben Rector and afterwards I looked up some of his music I hadn't heard, and I found a song called "Hank." This song was inspired by his nephew, but in this song I heard exactly what I need Sojo to hear from me:

"Go find a girl for whom your love is selfless; someone who makes you helpless to change the way you feel. Stay away from girls who always look so pretty; whose hearts just aren't fitting for the man in you I see. Could you remember that for me?"

So, that's what I want to tell you, Sojo.

Could you remember that for me?