Realness

I've found people I trust here at BU. I've found people who I can be myself around and they love and accept me for who I am. How rare is that? People are always so busy judging one another where I'm from, you can hardly hold a real conversation with anyone, talk about things beneath the surface, everything is at face value.

The people here are real, so I'm sure you can understand why it would be so hard for me to go back to my hometown. I miss a some people, and they are definitely worth going back for. I know I've been whining about going home, but I really am blessed to have a family that loves me and cares about me; blessed to have such good friends who I still keep in contact with, who I can call at any time during the day or night.

But I've gotten so used to people being transparent here, it'll be tricky to have to go back to a place that pretends so much and so often.

I've been exposed to the world outside of my town's limits, and I'm sure that I'll never live there again.

Moment of Terror.

So, my mom called me tonight around 12:30am, IN THE MORNING.
You must understand, my mom goes to bed usually by 9:30pm, at the latest. So, I see on my that I'm recieving a call from "Home" and my heart starts racing.
I hit "answer" and say, "Hello??" All I heard on the other end was: *pause* Sade?
That made my heart stop. My stomach hit the floor and all I could think of was if something happened to my great granda, grandparents, sister or brother. There were already tears brimming in my eyes.

Then she asked, "Are you okay?" I was caught off guard by that question, honestly. I didn't think she was calling me to find out if I was okay. I answered, "Yes? Why?" And she preceeded to tell me that she had recieved a call from "restricted" and there was a girl on the other end who was sobbing and trying to talk and Mom said it sounded just like me when I'm upset, so she hung up and called me. Obviously it wasn't me, but I'm glad mom called. It was nice to hear her voice and I'm glad she was so concerned about me!
Before we hung up she asked me to call my twin sister and my best friend from back home to make sure that it wasn't them either.
I called them both and they're fine.

But I miss a lot while I'm here. What if something had happened to one of my family members or good friends?

Well, let's not get caught up in "What if..."

27 Dresses

Instead of finishing my paper, I've decided to blog something real quick!

So, while working on school work my roommate and I have become accustom to having background noise which is usually a movie.  Tonight I picked 27 Dresses as my background noise while finishing my final paper for my IDC course I'm taking.

The thing is that it became more than just background noise, which is totally fine! I love the story in this movie and it's always been easy to identify with and I never understood why until now.

Jane, the main character is the oldest of two girls who had to be the woman in the house after her mom died when she was very young.  Their whole lives, Jane has taken care of and done for her sister, Tess. She's made Tess's life as easy as she possibly could and because of that Tess became an irresponsible, selfish person.
It surfaces later in the movie that Jane is somewhat bitter about having had to always look after Tess, and Tess confesses that she just wants to be like Jane.

Jane and Tess are a lot like my twin sister and I. I've always covered for my sister, in almost every situation. I did some of her chores when she didn't so she wouldn't get in trouble. I reminded her of (and sometimes let her copy) homework that we had, did her laundry, cleaned the bathroom we shared, woke her up for school so she wouldn't be late even though she was completely mean to me when I did. We haven't always gotten along so well, and it's definitely better than what it was! But, maybe I was resentful towards her because of what I chose to do. I chose to do those things, she didn't make me. I made my sister's life easy. Honestly, I did worry that she wouldn't succeed in college because she wouldn't hear her alarm to wake up for class, would forget about homework, not do her laundry (and she wears so many different articles of clothing in ONE DAY that it would blow your mind...), and not keep her areas of her dorm room clean.

The truth is: she's doing just fine without me. It was so selfish of me to think that I played such a big role in her life, in raising her. I did do a lot for her, and maybe I did have an impact, but maybe I didn't. What does it matter? What matters is that I love her, and she will always be my sister. No matter how crazy she makes me. No matter how many arguments we get in. No matter how different we are, I will always love her. I miss her, but she's doing just fine on her own. I never should have doubted her!

Could You Remember that for Me?

I know I write about my brother a lot, but there's a reason I do! I really love him and care about him. I worry about him a lot; especially in today's world.

He's such a good guy; one of thee best, if not THEE best. His kind heart, friendly smile, charming ways, and sense of humor often lure in girls...but not always the best girls. That is not his fault whatsoever! He has the biggest heart and he's always trying to help people out. He goes on rescue missions when it comes to girls...a lot. He gets his heart broken trying to help people. But I'm so thankful that he's so real. I just hope he learns soon, because it's hard on all of us!

I'm really protective of him, if you haven't caught on to that yet. So, whenever he brings a girl home to meet us, I am overly critical of them. I've gotten better about it, or I've tried, but it's not easy whatsoever. He deserves the best girl out there, and I know he will find her eventually, which I'm definitely okay with waiting for. I don't really think he needs to be serious anytime soon. (But what do I know?)

There's some pieces of advice I've wanted to share with him for a while but I didn't really know how to until recently. Kabelo and I went to see Ben Rector and afterwards I looked up some of his music I hadn't heard, and I found a song called "Hank." This song was inspired by his nephew, but in this song I heard exactly what I need Sojo to hear from me:

"Go find a girl for whom your love is selfless; someone who makes you helpless to change the way you feel. Stay away from girls who always look so pretty; whose hearts just aren't fitting for the man in you I see. Could you remember that for me?"

So, that's what I want to tell you, Sojo.

Could you remember that for me?

17 Days

I'm slacking...again. My most sincere apologies (*cough*Manda*cough*)

So, I think that maybe I've been avoiding what I want to write about. Actually, I'm pretty certain that is the reason.

I have 17 days left at BU until we're done for the summer. That is depressing. And yes, I'm honestly trying not to think about it and just enjoy what time I have left, but unfortunately I'm not someone who can do that.

I've never been as happy as I am here at BU, and I really don't want to leave. Yes, I miss my family (not nearly as bad as I did before) and I have a few friends that I miss a lot, but other than that I just don't want to go home. My mom and stepdad drive me crazy, and I'll spend most of my summer moving back and forth between my mom's and dad's houses. I just know that when I'm living with my dad I'll miss mom and have to go back to her house every few days.

A few good things about going home?
- Seeing my brother and getting to hang out with him more!
- My best friend from back home is having a baby!!!! I'm excited for her!
- Hopefully hanging out with my grandparents more...I miss them a lot. They're such sweet people and who knows how much longer I have with them

A lot of bad things about going home?
- Not seeing all my friends, my fantastic roommate and my boyfriend everyday.
- No more brunch at noon on Saturdays and Sundays
- No more piano lessons
- No more laying around watching movies all night while we're working on stuff
- No more quote book moments
- No more watching Mean Girls up to 3 times in a 24 hour period
- No more being indecisive about which movies to watch and taking almost an hour to decide what we're watching.
- No more hearing Louie play piano... *heart currently breaking*
- No more being obsessed with one song for weeks on end and jamming to it 24/7
- No more going to the 24 hour Steak N' Shake whenever we want and seeing Gerard
- No more visiting Oliver the Barista at Starbucks
- No more putting off laundry til the last second (always makes me feel dangerous....bahahaha)
- No more adventuring late at night and walking around campus just messing around and having people think we are drunk, when we're just having a great, sober time.
...I could go on, but I'm already depressed enough!

So, I really don't want to leave this place. I love it here and it's where I belong. Ya, I'll be back mid August, but still. That's a long time! That's 3, 3 1/2 months! That's way too long.
Next year is going to be a blast though! Most of my friends are on the same floor as my roommate and I! It's really going to be a lot of fun, and I'm very excited!

I'm really thankful for how this year turned out, I am. I am sad to see it go, but next year will be even better... I just have to survive the summer! Here's to sticking it out alone and hoping I survive.

This Past Weekend

So, this past weekend I went home with my boyfriend to see my brother in his musical.

Not only was I proud of my brother but I was also proud of all of the cast of Fiddler on the Roof.
This year was the first year I didn't participate in the high school's musical obviously because I'm in college now.  I was a little worried because I had seen Fiddler on the Roof once before a few years ago and while it was enjoyable, I remember it being very long and dry in some parts. Thankfully, they did the "Jr." version of the musical which means that it was strictly plot material with no subplot and it was only an hour and a half long.  I understand that may sound boring or whatever, but it definitely wasn't.

My brother had a lead role, as well as several of my other friends! One of my very best friends from back home had the lead role as Tevye and he blew me away! I was so proud and it was a great show to be his finisher seeing as he's a senior this year.

There were several times while I was sitting in the audience (all three times I got to see the show) that I teared up, for many reasons. One of the big reasons was that I was just so proud of my brother! He's definitely a fantastic actor and I can't wait to see what next year brings! He's growing up so fast, and I realize that makes me sound like a mother. I know. But, for two and a half years, I was. I was his friend and caretaker. Something that my mother will probably never acknowledge. But I did it for her. I did it for Sojo and for my sister. So, yes. I am proud. Extremely.

Everyone kept asking me how I felt about being on the other side.  They all expected me to be sad and long to be back on the stage again.  I won't lie, there was part of me that was sad knowing I didn't get to be a part of the cast or the camaraderie that comes with it.  But then, I realized that I had my time.  I had my four years to be a part of it, and this is their time. 

I really did very much enjoy being on the other side of the stage.  I was so proud and I enjoyed the musical so much! I love seeing how much my friends have grown as people and as actors/actresses/singers/performers.  It was absolutely fantastic!